Apple must make an iPad the size of the moon

Have you heard? Apple’s considering making iPads with bigger screens.

The rumor comes from Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman, who wrote about it in his Power On newsletter. Currently, the largest iPad the company sells is the 12.9-inch Pro,  a goddamn beautiful machine with a gorgeous new mini-LED screen known as the Liquid Retina XDR.

In terms of portable devices, the 16-inch MacBook is the largest screen Apple makes. I’d assume the rumor of an iPad with an increased screen size shows that the company is dedicated to further exploring the divide between the company’s actual computers and its tablets.

Most likely, the iPads will mirror the sizes of Apple’s upcoming laptops. This means it’s we’ll probably get a 14-inch and 16-inch iPads. Although, this is just educated guesswork.

Here’s the thing: why stop there, Apple?

If we have an iPad the size of a laptop, why don’t we make one as big as the new 21-inch iMac? Scratch that, how about as big as a table? Imagine all the joy artists will get out of drawing on a surface that big.

Now I’m thinking about, let’s go larger. What if the new iPad is the size of a car? What if the new iPad was a car?

I’ve just remembered something: there’s money in real estate. Big money. How about — and you can have this idea for free, Mr. Tim Apple — we turn buildings into iPads. Huge walls reaching up to the sky that are only pure, glorious screen.

Why stop there? Replace the soil with iPads. Switch out the rocks and water and plants and animals and everything you can think of until the entire planet is one gigantic iPad. We won’t rest until the moon, our solar system, the galaxy, the whole damn universe is an iPad.

In fact, there’s nothing Apple can’t do with a bigger iPad.

Well, apart from making it as easy to work on as a laptop. Or iPadOS as useful as macOS. That’s far too much to ask for.