Gadgets for humans

Getting a new console is better than Christmas as a kid

BUT THIS TIME YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO STOP PLAYING, MOM

header image new console christmas xbox series x

Something hit me like prime Tyson this week: there’s nothing more exhilarating than getting a new console. Nothing

When the Xbox Series X was first announced, I wasn’t fussed. Yeah, it looked cool, and I thought I’d pick one up when GTA 6 or Fallout 5 were released, but I’d be just fine without a new console thank you very much, pal.

But I was wrong. Oh lord I was wrong.

As my colleagues got next-gen consoles, the reviews rolled in, and the games came out, my soul began to itch. “I need this,” I told my reflection in the mirror at 1am, placing a hand on its cold surface in order to feel something, anything, “I need this so bad.

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that emotion. This wasn’t a pathetic, childish want — that’s for losers and half-assers — no, this was a root-deep ache, a bone resonating howl, in other words, an adult emotion.
 
Thankfully, I managed to find a new console to sate my boundless need. And thus began the longest week in my life.

The Xbox Series X new console
The Xbox Series X, the new console that has not let me be.

I have a theory: the only time in life you recapture the excitement of a childhood Christmas Day is when a new console is on its way. It’s natural that as you age, the thrill of things diminish. But, for some reason, that hasn’t happened with games consoles.

As soon as I had the tracking link, the impending arrival of the Xbox Series X consumed me, the thought of it haunted me to such a degree that I had several dreams about the damn thing. I watched the delivery tracker like a child checking off the days until Christmas and, each time my doorbell rang, my heart twirled. The week was a month long — and it was worth every second.

It was only after the Series X arrived I realized this wasn’t the first time I’d had this rush while waiting for a new console; it happened with the Switch, it happened with the Xbox 360, and it happened with the Gamecube.

I think the scientists call this a “pattern.”

Getting a new phone or laptop is electrifying, but it doesn’t feel quite like this. The closest I could get to why I experience such an intensity of emotion revolves around potential joy.

A new console is the first step in a happy gaming relationship set to last many years, and, unlike those other devices, something like an Xbox is used solely for fun, for entertainment, and with that knowledge comes a sense of freedom and charm that’s hard pressed to be matched. Or maybe I’m a dweeb. The jury’s out.

So, was the longest wait of my life for the Xbox Series X worth it? Friend, you already know the answer to that question.

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Published December 22, 2020 — 22:00 UTC