Gadgets for humans

I’m horny for a fast-charging OnePlus power bank

Lube my battery up, daddy

oneplus header image fast charging power bank

Close your eyes. Well, not literally — because, you know, reading — but figuratively. Great. Now, whack on some sexy music — something with a saxophone solo. Aw yeahhh. Now, release your mind go free. Let it wander. Is it loose? Perfect. Now… I need you to think of the sexiest type of technology there is. Let the thoughts float like oil on water. Aaaaaand….

You’re thinking of a power bank, right? I knew it.

Fine, maybe you’re a regular, everyday normie who doesn’t get horny for power banks. Shame. A real shame. Because if you were that sort of magnificent person, then you’d be frothing in your loins about the teasing of a fast-charging OnePlus power bank.

[Read: A love letter to my beloved NAS Drive, the WD PR2100]

“What teasing,” you ask? Well, how about this tweet from OnePlus co-founder Carl Pei is anything to go by:

So, here’s the important part: Does the tweet mean you’ll soon be able to cover yourself in honey and slow dance with a fast-charging OnePlus power bank? The answer is a strong, sterling maybe.

Let’s consider the facts. On one hand, it’d be a strange move to make this sort pronouncement online and then just let it disappear — suggesting Pei is serious. But, on the other hand, it is just a tweet.

If a fast-charging OnePlus power bank does make it to market though, it’s hard to see it failing.

As a carrier of many daily gadgets, my standard power bank has been a blessing. It’s this sexy lump I keep in my bag, sharing power like it’s an STI someone actually wants.

But, in the time since the rise of power banks, I’ve been spoiled by the introduction of fast chargers. Nowadays, if I don’t get almost a full day’s use from 30 minutes of charging, I begin to question the existence of a higher power, as well as my life choices.

Now, there have been some fast power banks (like the OPPO VOOC power bank or Anker’s PowerCore Speed) but this type of technology isn’t as widespread as you’d think. In fact, the majority of speedy power banks are by brands you probably haven’t heard of — which brings trust into the equation.

A fast-charging OnePlus power bank would solve this though. If the well-respected company can put together something that can give me a full day’s use in 30 minutes of charging, then you can guarantee I’m going to get one.

So, shout it loud and proud: I’m horny for a fast-charging OnePlus power bank.

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Published February 11, 2020 — 11:25 UTC

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