There are few things that feel more like the future than walking into your home and barking an order to your lightbulbs to switch on. Your lightbulbs don’t have feelings. Go ahead, treat them like shit. They might not deserve it, because they seem to work most of the time. But Mondays can be frustrating, can’t they, friend? And it’s better to yell at your obedient lightbulbs than your cat. Or significant other. Or even your fridge. Your fridge won’t respond, unlike your smart lightbulbs. Yes. Good. Just let it out. Now turn them off again. Or better yet, switch them to nice shade of blue. Science has established blue light can have a calming effect, especially after an argument, and isn’t that what you crave right now? Just to bask in that relaxing cobalt hue. Kick off your shoes. Give your feet a gentle rub. Mmmmm, now feel your muscles relax. Your brain calm down. Doesn’t that feel great? Now follow along with these breathing excercises. Breathe in for four seconds. Good. Now hold for seven seconds. Feel the air being absorbed by your body. Now breathe out, through your nose, for eight seconds, calmly now. Now breathe in, four seconds, yes. Feel the air caress your inner nostrils. Allow your eyes to unfocus. Now hold. Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. And breathe out. Excellent. You’re doing great. Wasn’t it wonderful you did not have to physically switch on those lights? Didn’t it feel marvelous you could just walk in and set the light to chillaxing mode just by gruffly commanding it? And you know what might be the most marvelous? All of this can be yours for 57 percent less than it would otherwise be yours. Instead of paying $115, you paid just $62. I’ll save you the mental gymnastics, that’s a full $83 you’re saving. Now you can spend that money on getting some nice warm soup delivered to your door. Wow. Your life is great.
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Published July 15, 2019 — 08:53 UTC