This article was published on February 9, 2010

The Virtual Valentine’s Day Guide From TheNextWeb

The Virtual Valentine’s Day Guide From TheNextWeb
Alex Wilhelm
Story by

Alex Wilhelm

Alex Wilhelm is a San Francisco-based writer. You can find Alex on Twitter, and on Facebook. You can reach Alex via email at [email protected] Alex Wilhelm is a San Francisco-based writer. You can find Alex on Twitter, and on Facebook. You can reach Alex via email at [email protected]

Valentines_day_sucks1By wide request, the lovely TNW virtual holiday franchise continues on. After the smash hit Thanksgiving and Christmas guides, we are proud to bring you the Virtual Valentine’s Day Guide.

If this post is to simulate  the holiday, it should be a tract of over-hyped piffle that leads one along only to be left unsatisfied and alone at the end clutching a box of tissue, eating chocolate while drinking flat champagne, all the while bitterly complaining about another human, and their previously hidden, and now obvious, shortcomings.

I hope that this post does, well, in light of all that, disappoint. Shall we?

Valentines Day, or the Day of Saint Valentine (who was beheaded sometime in the ancient past, whatever), is supposed to be a lovely day filled with rose petal laden beds and giggling in heart-shaped bath tubs. If you do not live in Dubai, the view isn’t as good from your expensive hotel suite, but you do what you can. Lucky for your little hide, you can get a look at the views that other people will enjoy, and you will not. Take a look here.

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In reality, the slim percentage of couples that get to the holiday happy invariably enter a tailspin of martial discord during its execution (ha). It adds unneeded stress to normal relationships. Best of all, you have to guess what they want in terms of a gift (alas). And guess correctly, or pay the price (again, alas). Play this guessing game to get in the mood to be frustrated.

But what would The Day o’ The Old Valentina be without some pink baubles? Get to it with this despicable bouquet or roses that no matter how many times you buy them, will never look like that when they arrive.

Let’s see, we covered what the day us supposed to be, what it actually is, how to get pre-mad in preparation, and what your gift will fail to be like. Ah! We need to cover how to handle the inevitable collapse of the day, your plans, your relationship and the like. Drown your sorrows in this realistic virtual drinking game, it’s at least entertaining.

Now curl up and read a Paul Carr post and let the inanity weave your thoughts into dreams. Alone.

There you have it folks, the very last TNW virtual guide, from here on out it is Yahoo Answers and Mahalo. Best of luck, you will need it.

Image credit.

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