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This article was published on November 4, 2020

Haiku review: Doogee S95 Pro

A tale of failure in 17 syllables

Haiku review: Doogee S95 Pro
Callum Booth
Story by

Callum Booth

Editor of Plugged by TNW

Callum is an Englishman in Amsterdam, but not in the way you're thinking. He's the Editor of Plugged, TNW's consumer tech vertical. He w Callum is an Englishman in Amsterdam, but not in the way you're thinking. He's the Editor of Plugged, TNW's consumer tech vertical. He writes about gear, gadgets, and apps — with a particular focus on Apple — and also makes the occasional odd video. Basically, he's halfway between an abrasive gadget nerd and thinky art boy.

Welcome to Haiku Review, a feature where we review gear and gadgets using the Japanese poetry form.

Something’s been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles: and it’s called the Doogee S95 Pro. Sit, rest, and let me tell you the tale of my failure.

Earlier in the year I was sent the Doogee S95 Pro — a rugged phone — to review. And, like a fool, I left it in the office during the first lockdown.

When things finally loosened up and we were allowed back into our workspaces, that coincided with a deluge of new phones hitting the market. So although I’d grabbed the Doogee S95 Pro, it lay in my study, forgotten.

I did plan on reviewing it properly. I picked it up, played with it, but then something happened: the company released its updated model, the Doogee S96 Pro.

Truly, cruel fate, you’ve given me no quarter.

This is a shame, because the Doogee S95 Pro is a solid device for the clumsy or outdoors types. It feels indestructible, the camera’s better than I thought it’d be, and it has a big old battery (5,150mAh) that lasts an age.

Doogee S95 Pro
This is indeed what the Doogee S95 Pro looks like. Soak it un.

Would I recommend it for the person casually walking around the city? Nope. But maybe if you’re always breaking phones, have a job that involves lots of manual labor, or are constantly in the elements, the Doogee S range could be a decent pick.

Anyhow — I needed to atone for my mistakes. I racked my brain, paced the flat, meditated on a mountain top — and the answer was so obvious it hurt. I had to write a haiku about the Doogee S95 Pro.

So here it is:

Hard as coffin nails,

And just as pretty — it may

Take your lunch money.

I’ll sit here and wait for my Pulitzer.

Anyway, because I feel really bad about my incompetence, here’s another haiku about that:

“I’m not mad I’m just

Disappointed,” you say. I 

Respond: “Me too, bro.”

Come back next time for more tales of my failures.

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