Welcome to Haiku Review, a feature where we review gear and gadgets using the Japanese poetry form.
Something’s been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles: and it’s called the Doogee S95 Pro. Sit, rest, and let me tell you the tale of my failure.
Earlier in the year I was sent the Doogee S95 Pro — a rugged phone — to review. And, like a fool, I left it in the office during the first lockdown.
When things finally loosened up and we were allowed back into our workspaces, that coincided with a deluge of new phones hitting the market. So although I’d grabbed the Doogee S95 Pro, it lay in my study, forgotten.
I did plan on reviewing it properly. I picked it up, played with it, but then something happened: the company released its updated model, the Doogee S96 Pro.
Truly, cruel fate, you’ve given me no quarter.
This is a shame, because the Doogee S95 Pro is a solid device for the clumsy or outdoors types. It feels indestructible, the camera’s better than I thought it’d be, and it has a big old battery (5,150mAh) that lasts an age.
Would I recommend it for the person casually walking around the city? Nope. But maybe if you’re always breaking phones, have a job that involves lots of manual labor, or are constantly in the elements, the Doogee S range could be a decent pick.
Anyhow — I needed to atone for my mistakes. I racked my brain, paced the flat, meditated on a mountain top — and the answer was so obvious it hurt. I had to write a haiku about the Doogee S95 Pro.
So here it is:
Hard as coffin nails,
And just as pretty — it may
Take your lunch money.
I’ll sit here and wait for my Pulitzer.
Anyway, because I feel really bad about my incompetence, here’s another haiku about that:
“I’m not mad I’m just
Disappointed,” you say. I
Respond: “Me too, bro.”
Come back next time for more tales of my failures.