Story by
Matthew Hughes
Former TNW ReporterMatthew Hughes is a journalist from Liverpool, England. His interests include security, startups, food, and storytelling. Follow him on Twi Matthew Hughes is a journalist from Liverpool, England. His interests include security, startups, food, and storytelling. Follow him on Twitter.
Britain’s railways are terrible, especially when compared to their much more modern and efficient European counterparts. They’re basically sweaty, uncomfortable Smarties tubes that reek of Burger King and trundle across the country at an excruciatingly slow pace.
One rail company is considered to be worse than the others though. Southern Rail operates routes between London and the South coast, and is now a byword for incompetent and indifferent service. They’re so bad, someone even created a Southern Rail Tycoon game, where the goal is to cancel and delay as many trains as possible.
One guy who recently fell afoul of Southern Rail is the science editor of the London Times – Tom Whipple. Last year, he caught a train from Catford and was unable to purchase a ticket as the vending machine was broken. A few stops into his journey, inspectors boarded the train and issued him a fine.
People complaining about #southernfail haven’t witnessed the dedication to customer service I’ve seen. 1/7
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
Last year, their ticket machine at Catford broke. I got on a train and, at London Bridge, asked to pay. They fined me instead. 2/7
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
Seeing the injustice in this, Whipple appealed the fine. Halfway through through the appeals process, Southern Rail doubled the fine.
Kind of like how Bruce Wayne saw his parents killed and then became Batman, this incident was the catalyst that resulted in Tom dedicating significants amount of time to inconveniencing and trolling Southern Rail.
This masterclass has been preserved for posterity on Twitter. Read on. It’s hilarious.
Naturally, I paid in 8 cheques. I also put in request for CCTV footage of me. 4/7
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
Conditions are, you have to give max 2 hour window, and have to give enough info to be identifiable. 5/7
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
I gave 2 hr window, told them I would appear on platform, scratch both arse cheeks and raise arm like elephant calling across savannah. 6/7
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
Blow me, they found it 7/7 pic.twitter.com/ZicfHbDYyA
— Tom Whipple (@whippletom) August 8, 2016
Beautiful work, Tom.
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