A man who once tried to marry his laptop now wants to pull the plug on internet porn

After being denied the right to marry his laptop not once but three times, an army veteran has a new target for in sight: internet porn. Chris Sevier’s putting personal pleasure aside — an admittedly challenging endeavor, given his history — and throwing his admittedly laughable reputation behind lobbying for legislation that would tax internet users for viewing porn on connected devices.

The Electronic Frontier Foundation tracked comparable proposals across the country, revealing we could see about two dozen similar bills in 18 state legislatures this year. So far, none have passed.

Each is slightly different, but offers the same type of language: a tax of sorts that aims to “protect children” from the dangers of pornography by locking down connected devices using a filter device owners would pay to remove (on each device). Dubbed the “Elizabeth Smart Law,” Sevier is facing pressure not just from lawmakers, but the ACLU and National Center on Sexual Exploitation, both of which have been highly critical of similar pieces of legislation. The latter of even demanded Sevier stop claiming the center was supportive of his work.

Elizabeth Smart, a woman who was kidnapped from her Utah home as a teenager in 2002 also wants no part of the ordeal. She’s sent a cease-and-desist letter demanding her name be removed from any promotion of the proposal.

Smart, since her release, has been a noted advocate for causes related to sexual abuse and exploitation. She spoke before Congress in 2006 to support sexual predator legislation and was one of the driving forces behind the AMBER Alert system used to alert nearby residents of recent child abductions.

And as odd as this all sounds, Sevier’s story is even stranger.

It starts in Florida, in 2013 where he sued over a MacBook he feels was responsible for his crippling porn addiction. In a complaint filed in federal court, the man sought damages and injunctive relief against Apple for making devices capable of displaying online porn. Over more than 50 pages, Sevier — a law school grad who represented himself in the case — flows from argument to argument about as gracefully as a third grader who sat down to pen a twenty-first century adaptation of Crime and Punishment. Riddled with typos and tirades, the document bordered on unreadable.

According to court documents, it all stemmed from a simple typo:

In using safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled “facebook.com” which lead him to “fuckbook.com” and a host of web sites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences.

Sevier was all but laughed out of the courtroom, in a decision that surprised no one — including, perhaps, Sevier himself. “Hey, I’m litigious and enjoy drafting frivolous filings about sex stuff,” he said after the loss.

We didn’t know it then, but a single statement would foreshadow the events that unfolded next. Using his newfound notoriety, Sevier made good on his previous claims and did indeed draft more “frivolous filings about sex stuff.” Over the next three years, Sevier would go on to sue in Florida, Texas, and Utah, petitioning the courts each time to grant a marriage license to legally recognize his spouse, a porn-filled MacBook.

The Mac Daddy lost each time, the most recent case in Utah, where a judge rejected a lawsuit against Utah Governor Gary Herbert, Attorney General Sean Reyes, and a county clerk named Bryan Thompson. The most recent lawsuit got a little stranger after Sevier amended his original suit to include John Gunter, Jr., and Whitney Kohl, all of which would be marrying each other, and perhaps the laptop too… who knows?

Sevier’s brushes with the law weren’t limited to litigation, either. He’s been charged with stalking country star John Rich, and an unnamed 17-year-old girl. he’s also been arrested for violating a restraining order and failing to pay child support.

It’s good to know the righteous are protecting us from the evils of online porn.