Brazzers’s imaginary smartphone turns porn videos into holograms

The porn industry has an impressive record of thrusting innovation in tech – and adult entertainment titan Brazzers is seeking to keep up that reputation with a fresh new concept for a smartphone.

The company has imagined a frisky handset that has been specifically optimized for watching raunchy videos.

The so-called Brazzers Peach brings the viewing experience to the next level with cutting-edge features like a wearable stylus with vibrating capacities for both men and women, as well as a dedicated masturbation mode that would prevent incoming notifications from “killing your vibe.”

In addition to these, quite literally, exciting capabilities, the Peach will also come with its own biometric protective measure that they like to call a ‘Dickprint’ – a fingerprint scanner for your genitalia. Adult model site CamSoda actually had the same idea a couple of months back.

The device also sports a splash-resistant screen that Brazzers claims will withstand all and any liquids.

But it doesn’t end here.

Apple has Siri, Microsoft has Cortana, Google has Assistant, Amazon has Alexa, Samsung has Bixby, and like all of these tech giants, Brazzers has also envisioned a special virtual assistant for its own flagship phone.

The assistant will be called ZZ, and according to sources, the assistant has previously performed tasks as a plumber, teacher, and a pizza delivery guy. So managing your daily activities should be well within his expertise.

But the feature Brazzers is really hoping to hit the spot with is its sleek holographic display that turns porn videos into actual holograms.

It basically works on the same principle as the futuristic phone camera equipment manufacturer RED is purported to be working on. Brazzers has merely found a more practical use for consumers with a craze for adult entertainment.

Here is what this looks like:

“Brazzers’ most enthusiastic demographic segments are the millennial generation and antsy Gen-Xers, whom both rely heavily on their smartphones,” shared Brazzers Marketing Director Gary Ticher. “The Brazzers Peach is what our team thinks a porn-optimized smartphone would be, if it actually existed.”

“It’s the the phone that dreams are made of,” he continued.

To which I say: Consider me a dreamer.

Disclaimer: This concept is merely a parody and not a real venture Brazzers intends to invest in… alas.