The Virtual Christmas Guide From The Next Web

The Virtual Christmas Guide From The Next Web

grinch_santaGiven that the wonderful holiday of Christmas is less than a week away, I am glad to bring you a follow up to our killer “Virtual Thanksgiving” post, and continue the tradition around here of celebrating holidays in our respective digital realms.

Ladies and Bruces, I present you with TheNextWeb’s Virtual Christmas Guide.

Forthwith to commence we must secure the central element of this ancient ritual: a tree. Thank your lucky Zodiac that indeed someone took the time to code up an app for us. Go decorate your tree here, and save a screenshot to your desktop. Make it your background image.

Isn’t that festive?

But Christmas after all is hardly all presents and goodwill, so go and read the Spark Notes of A Christmas Carol, skipping the last third. Past the 66% mark it goes all fluffy and feel good. Here, I did all the work for you, read it here.

Now that you are depressed with a tree, you need a pick me up. Time to make a warm holiday drink! Follow this recipe for eggnog with the spirit of your choice! The best way is with Brandy, but you can screw it up if you want. Go, get mixing! [The author would like to point out that indeed, we had a vote from our good [email protected] that Amaretto is the best Eggnog additive. This remains to be field tested.]

Now you have a sad tale, a drink in your stomach, and a tree. All you need is a bickering family, and a gift that you will return the next day. We can do both. First to the family.

There is a special circle of awkward for the family photo, and thank heavens that people take many about the holiday season. Here, take this group to be your family. They will do. Now, play this soundtrack while you stare at them. In less than thirty seconds you will be having a second hit of the ‘nogg and heading to your room. Family accomplished.

Now you need a present that you are going to return. Once again, the great Santa of the megatubes will see you through with Buy whatever today’s Woot is, and wait for it to arrive. Once you get it, go onto a product forum, and spam it with “not as good as it was rocked up to be.”

Then wrap it in old newspaper and give it to yourself. Leave it in the corner while you finish the eggnog. Curl up and pass out watching Big Bang Theory reruns.

Happy Christmas everyone.

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