Late-night talk show host Conan O’Brien is a tad disappointed that he wasn’t selected to become Microsoft’s next CEO — then again, he was never really up for consideration anyway. In a post on LinkedIn today, the comedian shed some insight into what a possible Conan reign at the software company would be like.

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Just how difficult is it to run a company like Microsoft? O’Brien says that it’s about as easy as “booting up Windows ’98 on my Compaq Presario and winning a game of Minesweeper.” He did however, have a plan to turn the company around: “1. Zune 2. More Zune 3. Even More Zune.

Microsoft CEO O’Brien would also bring some revolutionary ideas to the company. His suggestions are as follows:

  • Spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a marketing campaign to get everyone in America to “Bing their symptoms” after a weekend trip to Juarez, Mexico.
  • Develop a peripheral device for the Surface called “Tiny Windshield Wipers”.
  • In a tribute to “Her”, have every single Windows operating system be voiced by Scarlett Johansson.
  • Add Instagram filters to Excel 2014.

It’s hard to imagine that Microsoft would turn him down. But O’Brien would never have wanted the job anyways — he says the Redmond-based company would have refused to rename itself CONAN.

Guess it’s for the best.

Photo credit: NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images