Late-night talk show host Conan O’Brien is a tad disappointed that he wasn’t selected to become Microsoft’s next CEO — then again, he was never really up for consideration anyway. In a post on LinkedIn today, the comedian shed some insight into what a possible Conan reign at the software company would be like.

150e73f Heres Conan OBriens vision for turning Microsoft around if he were named CEO

Just how difficult is it to run a company like Microsoft? O’Brien says that it’s about as easy as “booting up Windows ’98 on my Compaq Presario and winning a game of Minesweeper.” He did however, have a plan to turn the company around: “1. Zune 2. More Zune 3. Even More Zune.

Microsoft CEO O’Brien would also bring some revolutionary ideas to the company. His suggestions are as follows:

  • Spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a marketing campaign to get everyone in America to “Bing their symptoms” after a weekend trip to Juarez, Mexico.
  • Develop a peripheral device for the Surface called “Tiny Windshield Wipers”.
  • In a tribute to “Her”, have every single Windows operating system be voiced by Scarlett Johansson.
  • Add Instagram filters to Excel 2014.

It’s hard to imagine that Microsoft would turn him down. But O’Brien would never have wanted the job anyways — he says the Redmond-based company would have refused to rename itself CONAN.

Guess it’s for the best.

Photo credit: NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images