Last week, Spotify quietly released an OBGYN-approved playlist designed for listening before, during, and after childbirth. Did someone ask for this?
Okay, fine, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the target audience, but this 30-song playlist lasts about two hours and horror stories tell me that giving birth typically lasts at least three times that long.
All Killer, No Filler
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Which means you’ll be listening to songs like “Don’t Panic” by Coldplay and “Naked As We Came” by Iron & Wine at least three times before your baby arrives to the sounds of “All Of Me” – the clubby Tiësto birthday remix – by John Legend. Spotify claims these songs are scientifically curated, but it seems fairly literal from what we can assess.
None of these are bad songs, per se, but collectively they create a nightmare situation where you’re forced to listen to Queen’s “Under Pressure” and shift the powerful lyrics to relate to the pressure in your goddamn womb.
And while music can be soothing in a stressful situation, hearing Bono croon “With or Without You” into my ears three times while I’m pushing a football out of my ladybits seems more maniacal than subjecting my body to childbirth itself.