Friends, this weekend I made a terrible mistake: I shared an opinion on the internet. Actually, that’s a bit disingenuous and very boomer of me. Let’s be a bit more accurate.
I wrote a deliberatively provocative, unpopular opinion piece for our Just Putting It Out There series. My view?
Fuck dark mode.
I’m not going to get into my argument now (you can read my thoughts here), because that’s not what this article is about. No, it’s focusing on the people (mainly dudes) on Twitter who got really, really fucking angry about my piece.
Was I shocked at the response? Not really. I was purposefully a shithouse and expected — nay, hoped — that people would get riled up. Despite this, the scale of the abuse surprised me. Literally hundreds of people displayed very clearly their unfamiliarity with the term “unpopular opinion.”
When I saw this, I knew I only had one option and one option only: to continue this shithousery. And that meant reviewing a selection of the angry tweets we received.
Oh, a note before we start, I blurred out the Twitter accounts of the people sending insulting messages, because I thought it’d be meant to shame them. You’re welcome, dark mode fans.
The “Just putting it out there: fuck you” format was the most common response to the article. This individual tried something a little different though. Yes, they lose some marks for lack of originality, but I do think the introduction of “edgelord” was a pleasant touch, reminding me of the purer, earlier days of the internet.
This really is the pinnacle of the “Just putting it…” format. You know how poets really stretch their creativity and writing muscles when forced to operate in a format like a sonnet? This is like that. Sir (because, remember, basically all these tweets were from men), consider me insulted. I dick, indeed.
I like this one a lot. It half-quotes my article, has a nice play on a classic phrase, but then ends on a positive note. Mental health is important and rage is bad, we should all remember that. Thank you, Twitter user.
Sometimes the classics are the best. This is simple and straight to the point. Also, I’m a big fan of the full stop, it really adds a classy finale to the proceedings — like a bow at the end of a play.
This one confuses me. The user refers to me as both an infant, AND makes a negative implication towards my sexual activity. It seems like they expect babies to be having sex? I like the creativity, but the messaging is muddled. Also, gross.
Is this ironic? Probably. But will I read it that way? No fucking chance. So, this is actually a compliment. Meaning it’s not an insult at all.
A big self own here, person. You imply that putting TNW in dark mode is bad, ergo the thing you’re defending (dark mode) is therefore bad. Despite the weak start, they finish strong with the classic “unfollowed,” which is worth a couple points in my opinion. I’d say this half put me in my place.
This is a reference to my face in the article’s header image. Honestly, this person killed it. I’m dead. I have been slain. No more life for me. My face is just, what? Crushing.
LOVE this energy. I received a few “ok boomer” tweets, which — in my mind — makes each proceeding one even better.
I’ve gotta say, this individual murdered me. At least with “ok boomer” I could say that I’m categorically not a boomer. But now? I’ve been got.
BONUS REVIEW: I wanna shout out this guy who took time out of his day to tag me in hate tweets that weren’t actually directed towards my Twitter account. This is the sort of service you can’t pay for. Also, I appreciate you blocking me after our chat.
So, there you have it! Reviews of some of the hate tweets I received for my dumb article. Truly, I’ve learnt that people love dark mode. And that most folks really suck at insults.
Please, people, if you’re going to throw abuse online, at least make it entertaining and original. Do your best (or worst, whatever) here.
Published November 12, 2019 — 16:14 UTC