Your Spotify Wrapped 2021 is embarrassing and there’s nothing you can do about it

The looming arrival of Spotify Wrapped always arouses excitement — and terror. If, like me, you have exquisite taste, the end-of-year breakdown of your listening habits is an eagerly-awaited reminder of your discerning judgment.

If, however, you have a tin ear for music, it’s time to feverishly hit repeat on some pretentious tracks that you don’t actually like. Those who neglect this duty shall be granted a Wrapped that leaves them ostracized by their friends and family (sorry, grandma).

For those of you in the latter camp, I have some tragic news: you’re already too late. Tracking for this year’s Spotify Wrapped ended on October 31. Your impending round-up is now at the mercy of the algorithms.

The news has shocked and enraged Spotify users. Militant activists are now (possibly) taking up arms, burning effigies of Daniel Ek, and marching on Spotify’s headquarters.

The more merciful protestors, meanwhile, have taken their distress to Twitter.

remember last year's wrapped i thought mine's was gonna be cool then turned out my top artists is the backyardigans pic.twitter.com/Nm4xAwLfnH

— gagayaw (@gagayaw) November 2, 2021

While some users despair, others are preparing ruses and excuses:

before the Spotify Wrapped are released I need you all to understand that I spent the last year in a severely altered mental state and cannot be held responsible for my actions during that time

— anna ♡ (@teethlikearms) November 8, 2021

well, for starters one of my most streamed songs of all time is a song I played once, then left my house and when I came back I realized I had in on loop, i don't even remember how the song sounds like and I'm positive it'll be on my top 5 this year ??

— Scarleth doesn't do drugs ? (@clittenkitten) November 2, 2021

Despite the impending traumas, some sadists are actually looking forward to the revelations:

Can’t wait for Spotify Wrapped to drop and see y’all scramble to explain why artists you spend all day talking shit about are #1-5 on your most listened lists ??

Giving very much “Scooter hacked my account!!!” pic.twitter.com/zFIRwjddWk

— kyle (@blkboybulletin) November 8, 2021

Amid the doom and gloom, there is a reason to rejoice: we — I mean you — can now spend the rest of the year listening to music you actually like, rather than the tracks you think that you should like. Furthermore, your Wrapped should be free of the excruciating Christmas songs that dominate the festive airwaves.

I nonetheless urge Spotify to extend its cruel deadline for Wrapped. The lonesome months of November and December have been neglected for far too long.