With the holidays fast approaching, we’re sure you’re plenty busy buying your family, friends, and irritating colleagues presents.
Here at TNW, we were reflecting on the best way to give someone a gift. Is it lots of tissue paper? Big bows? With sincerity and love? No, none of these.
The objectively best way to give a present is when it’s covered with Beyoncé’s face. Don’t argue with us, facts are facts.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, but there are a huge number of Beyoncé wrapping paper options available. It’s honestly ridiculous, and trying to find the best one takes hours — trust us, we’ve done it.
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For all those fun gadgets you’ll be buying for your loved ones, here’s a ranking of the best — and worst —Beyoncé wrapping paper.
Note: Not all of these gift wraps are still available, but we’ve decided to rank them anyway because the more Bey the better.
#11: Love, Beyoncé
We shouldn’t need to explain why this wrapping paper is in last place. It looks like it was made with Microsoft Word Art by someone who hates our Queen and kicks puppies in their free time. Luckily for Bey, even bad photo editing can’t stop her from looking like the magnificent phoenix that she is.
This wrapping paper is just insulting. If you’re going to attempt to make bootleg Beyoncé content DO IT RIGHT. Blue does not approve. Rumi and Sir are crying in their cribs at the thought of it. Jay put out another disappointing album after he saw it.
It’s so terrible in every way that it almost looks like it was done on purpose. Actually, the more we stare at it, the more we kind of like it…
For sale? Not anymore, thank god
#10: Bey & Jay
This wrapping paper is in second to last place because of Jay-Z’s presence.
He cheated on our queen. We forgive but we don’t forget.
Nah fuck it, we don’t forgive either.
For sale? Yes
#9: Just lemons
This one is ranked pretty low only because it doesn’t have Beyoncé’s face on it. The world needs more of Beyoncé’s face.
We don’t want to put it dead last because we also kind of like the idea that if there are (god forbid) any Beyoncé haters in your life, this paper is abstract enough that you can wrap their presents with it, covertly bringing them into the Beyhive unawares.
But why you would be giving Beyoncé-haters presents in the first place, we have no idea.
For sale? Yes
#8: Destiny’s Child
Christmas is a time of sharing, so it’s only fair Kelly and Michelle get a spot in the limelight, too. After all, they knew the Queen back when she was just a Princess and helped make her who she is today.
There’s ONLY ONE Destiny’s Child wrapping paper left. Go get it before it’s too late.
For sale? JUST THIS ONE
#7: Drunk Bey
Hmmm… this was a tough call. While we love Bey’s blond bob haircut in her “Drunk in Love” video, the design isn’t doing justice to her gorgeous visage. She looks kind of…. drunk? The color scheme is nice though, so at least drunk B will pop underneath the tree.
For sale? Yes
#6: Beyonsleigh
Is this the ugliest wrapping design ever made? Probably.
But come on, Beyonsleigh? Sleigh my name? Great puns outweigh bad design. Because it’s (understandably) sold out, we decided to make a better version:
You can use it for free. Our gift to you, Merry Christmas!
For sale? Nope
#5: Ponytail
This was our most divisive wrapping paper, so it’s going smack dab in the middle. While Anouk feels this hairstyle is unflattering, I (G) personally consider Bey’s ponytail to be a spiritual mentor of sorts. In my darkest moments I’ve revisited this GIF to remind me that the world is a beautiful place:
Beyoncé’s ponytails have a life of their own, and any wrapping paper that shows them in their true glory deserves a decent spot on this list.
Also, we like the colors.
For sale? Not anymore
#4: Santa Bey
This one is probably the most Christmassy in the list.
To be honest, we first weren’t sure if this wrapping paper depicts Beyoncé or Mariah Carey. They don’t look anything alike, but Mariah has been hogging that Santa Hat-look for about 25 years, and this rendering is not the most accurate. Enough is enough, Mariah. All we want for Christmas is Bey.
For sale? Yes
#3: Beautiful Bey
We will never forgive ourselves for not knowing about this wrapping paper while it was still available. This is pretty much the only one on this list that actually looks like Beyoncé.
We love the attention to detail, the showcasing of her different hairstyles… if it were still for sale, we’d buy 50 rolls of it and turn it into really noisy wallpaper for our Beyoncé shrine room.
For sale? Not anymore
#2 Nefertiti
While not the most festive design, we feel this wrapping paper belongs in second place. Its Beyness is subtle, separating the wannaBeys from the Beyhive. Where they see Nefertiti, the Egyptian queen, we see Beyoncé’s “Sorry” video. Also, this gift paper is actually for sale AND an official, Beyoncé-approved, product. Because we all know how the Queen hates people stealing her shit.
For sale? Yes!
#1: Christmas Formation Bey
Wow. This wrapping paper has everything. Lemons… two iconic looks from her widely acclaimed Lemonade album… Christmas stockings…
That’s why it very much pains us to say Shop Beyonce no longer sells this product, it sold out in 2016.
Dear Santa, please bring back this wrapping paper. And then wrap up the wrapping paper in more of this wrapping paper, like a beautiful Bey-inspired Christmas inception miracle.
For sale? No :(
Phew, that was tough. We’re literally sweating. We hope this guide helped you with your gift giving this year. It definitely should have — after all, if the gift you give has no Beyoncé, is it really a gift at all?
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