Greek lore tells the tale of Medusa — a fearsome monster who could turn mortals into pillars of stone, should they be unfortunate enough to gaze upon her. For the digital age, there’s something similar. Check out the Bitcoin remix of Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday,’ from cryptocurrency comedy songwriters (that’s a thing, apparently) Crypto Finally.
At least, I think I’ve turned stone. I’ve barely moved since I heard it. Like a Windows 95 computer trying to open a 100MB PDF file, I’m completely frozen, desperately trying to process what I just heard.
Was it real? Am I hallucinating? Did I snort some ketamine and touch the void? Is the bridge to the chorus really “They don’t take cryptocurrency. They should take cryptocurrency. Excuse me sir; what currency will you take?”
Should you want to sing along at home, Crypto Finally helpfully left the lyrics in the video bio.
Momma freaks out, day after thanksgiving
Drags me to the mall, gotta get them sales
Christmas coming up, gotta catch them deals ‘heck I ́ m doing here?
I don’t use cash!
What century are we in?
Get with the program!
These shops are so outdated
Ever heard of crypto? I use bitcoin!
They don’t take cryptocurrency
They should take cryptocurrency
Excuse me sir; what currency will you take?
Its Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta get with my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin, don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of Black Friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run
Once I ́ m at the mall, everything looks lame
I want an Orange Julius but it ́ s all the same
FUD, FUD, think about FUD
You don’t even take XRP?
You keep it, just keep it
I don’t need your smoothie, no
But dang it looks so good I want it super bad, though
They don’t take cryptocurrency
They should take cryptocurrency
Excuse me sir; what currency will you take?
Its Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta accept my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of black Friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run
Please accept my Bitcoin
I don’t use no cash, no cash
Please please please take my Bitcoin, please take my Bitcoin
Your sales will go through the roof
Sooner or later you’re gonna have to
You’ll have to get with cryptocurrency
Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta accept my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of black friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run
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When the cryptocurrency bubble eventually reaches zero, I hope the repo men take Crypto Finally’s microphones.
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