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This article was published on April 23, 2018

The best weird stress remedies to match your weird personality

The best weird stress remedies to match your weird personality
Guðrun í Jákupsstovu
Story by

Guðrun í Jákupsstovu

Former writer, TNW

We’re currently experiencing a stress epidemic. Everywhere you turn you read a new article or hear about a new study that, once again, establishes what we all already know: people are stressed AF.

It’s bewildering and disheartening. We know how stressed we are, but still, we can’t find the best way to properly cure it. In the meantime thousands of articles try to tell us what cures stress best, listing everything from wooden eggs to cuddle robots, anger-hotlines, puppies, and laughter yoga as potential cures.

Yes, the internet is a vast ocean of self-help posts on how to cure your stress best. How do you possibly navigate? That’s where we’ve come to your aid. We have here created the ultimate stress relief scenarios that match your personality, combining the best, funniest and weirdest solutions to stress found on the internet. Trust me, after reading this you will wonder how you ever felt stressed in the first place.

The lazy type

Stress hits everyone, the lazy sloth just as well as the active rabbit. So if you’re a real Garfield at heart, that doesn’t mean you can’t get stressed, although your outward appearance might suggest ever-calm serenity. If you’re looking for ways to deal with your stress that doesn’t include any physical activity, look no further.

You start out by creeping under the gravity blanket. The gravity blanket is designed to weigh 10 percent of your own bodyweight and uses deep pressure stimulation to make your body de-stress and relax. Now that you’ve got your body pinned down, it’s time to move on to the mind.

For relaxing your mind, any true Garfield would immediately be set at ease with the soothing sound of this cat purr generator. The sweet, content sound of cat murmuring is made for calming and clearing your mind of stressful clutter. As the cherry on top of the stress remedy for lazies, we suggest you try holding the wooden thinking egg in your hand and pay attention to it. The wooden egg is made for gently reminding you to take a break and be in the moment when you’re feeling stressed (this thing must work since it raised $100k on Kickstarter).

If you can handle the slightest of activity, try sitting up under that blanket, listen to the cat purr and, while holding your egg in one hand, start writing a gratitude journal and get the positive thought-juices flowing. If you’re not a person of many words, perhaps an adult coloring book is more up your alley — visualize your zen into intricate mandalas!

The alternative yogi type

If you’re the type of person that likes to be active — as long as it’s moderate, fun and social at the same time — then these are the best stress remedies are for you.

Yoga is among the most highly acclaimed remedies for stress — the long stretching movements of the body force you into a mindful state. But yoga is a myriad of things, and among the best in terms of weird stress remedies are beer yoga, laughing yoga and, obviously, puppy yoga!

I’m not even sure how this would work out logistically, but I’m amusing myself with mental images of people doing sun salutations with puppies between their hands in proper Lion King style while laughing hysterically. Laughing yoga is built on the idea that laughter — no matter whether it’s spontaneous or forced — is an instant mood medicine. So laughing while doing yoga while playing with puppies is a fool-proof way to reduce your stress.

Then there’s beer yoga. Honestly, I have a hard time ridiculing this one, because it simply sounds like the best idea ever. Seriously, what could be better than doing some teamwork yoga, shouting cheers and taking a big gulp of cold beer in between cat stretches or the mountain pose? By adding laughter yoga and puppy yoga you can create a delightful hybrid of mindfulness, playfulness and tipsiness!

The filled-with-frustrated-negative-energy kind of type

Stress affects us in different ways and for some, it results in boiling introvert rage and frustration (*cough TNW’s editorial team cough*). No gravity blanket, no yoga, no thinking egg — not even a puppy — can help you if this is the case. Luckily there are remedies for you as well.

The Germans have long been victims of a stereotype claiming that their language is nothing but angry shouting. Now, they have embraced that stereotype by creating the hotline “Schimpf-los” (literally translated: Swear away) The hotline is manned by employees who will patiently listen to you while you shout out the worst profanity to relieve your tensions and stress.

If you’re feeling hollow after releasing all that anger, I suggest you check out the Hugvie, a Japanese robot made for hugging, cuddling and holding tight. It has a built-in slot for your smartphone so you can call your besties while cuddling the Hugvie. Another idea could be to call the “Schimpf-los” hotline while hugging the robot and just curse away, while the robot makes you feel at ease and relaxed. This way you kill two birds with one stone!

However, there are actual people working those hotlines, so if you don’t want to bother another human being with your negativity maybe a rage room is for you. For a fee, you can be allowed into a room full of breakable goodies where you can let loose and wreak havoc. If you’re feeling social, this activity could also be fun to do with a friend!

Seriously, though

On a more serious note, stress isn’t fun, and fighting it is admirable.  However, there is no single fix, no silver bullet to quickly and easily eliminate stress. What’s important to remember, is that healing from stress an on-going process. So remember to be kind to yourself, laugh a bit at all the weird remedies out there, and find what works for you.

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