This article was published on April 22, 2017

Target is asking for trouble with new Mario Kart-themed stores

Target is asking for trouble with new Mario Kart-themed stores
Bryan Clark
Story by

Bryan Clark

Former Managing Editor, TNW

Bryan is a freelance journalist. Bryan is a freelance journalist.

In advance of the upcoming release of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, Target has gone Nintendo crazy. According to its senior vice president of merchandising, Scotty Nygaard in a statement, it’s all about the experience.

Experience counts—it’s what keeps guests coming in and coming back to our stores. So we’re delivering the fun like only Target can, giving generations of Mario fans a shopping trip they won’t soon forget.

If it’s experience you want, it’s experience you’ll get. Target’s Mario Kart experience starts before you even open the doors, with its giant red bollards — the things that keep cars from plowing into the store — designed to look like Mario and Luigi, our favorite Italian plumbers.

Credit: Target

Cute, right?

Cute quickly turns deadly once you enter the door. It’s now decked-out as a starting line and begs customers to “Go,” which has zero possibility of turning out well.

Credit: Target

Luckily, the carts are on the inside. If they were outside, I have no doubts this would actually be used as a starting line while wily soccer moms shoved one another out of the way or, worse, started chucking bananas and improvised explosive devices.

Seriously, this is going to end badly.

And if you needed further proof that no one is going to make it out alive — not even unwilling civilians who are simply trying to grab some hummus and find the exit — these shopping carts tell the story.

Credit: Target

Oh boy.

I can almost picture a California mom, baby in the front, Starbuck’s unicorn latte in hand, racing around Target doing hot laps while avoiding booby traps set up by competitive dads, kids, and wily senior citizens.

It’s almost like Target has never seen how competitive people get when Mario Kart glory is on the line.

These deathtraps are found at over 650 locations nationwide. Beware.

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