I took a selfie stick to CES to find out why the world hates selfie sticks.
A selfie stick makes for a horrible comb and/or brush. It’s nice that someone from across the room can groom you, but the end result is lacking.
Drones can be frightening. They sound like wasps and if you get smacked in the face, you could lose an eye, or worse have the propellers tangled up in your already disheveled hair. The compact nature of the selfie stick makes it a perfect weapon for on-the-go drone defense.
It’s unlikely that you’ll have a full camera crew while shooting Vines. I mean I’ve seen it, but I ain’t got that kinda of $$$. With the selfie stick I can now dramatically push into subjects. My Vine videos just got 60-percent more Steven Spielberg.
If you always blink during a photo, you can take that one good photo of yourself and mount it to the stick. It’s like a telepresence robot that’s less likely to malfunction and disembowel you. Photo by Christina Bonnington
The cell reception inside CES is horrible. I believe this gentleman found the solution. He is a national hero.
Selfie sticks are the target of many haters. Haters love hating. I propose a taser at the end of selfie sticks. Lasers would also be acceptable. Video shot by Michael Delano
Editors note: Parts five and six were lost in a tragic CES-related party bus accident.
There used to be these things called newspapers. In them, women with bullet-proof hair would share with the world the rules on how to behave in polite society. I’m sure at some point one them said not to reach across the table in a fancy restaurant.
If you enjoy the plague, CES is the place to be. Pro Tips: You should always be dipping your hands in a vat of Purell and never, ever touch your face. I had an itch on my nose. Thanks selfie stick.
At one point my friend Micah used the selfie stick to take an actual selfie. It was awkward.
So why do people hate selfie sticks? To be honest, I’m not sure. At their worst, people use them when an arm is just as useful. At their best, they allow a large group of friends to all be in the photo.
Sure you could ask a stranger to take your photo, but some strangers are pretty shitty at taking photos. Now you have to ask another person and everyone in the group is irritated while they stand around for another photo that might suck.
At the end of the day, a selfie stick is just another name for a monopod, something that photographers have been using for years. But when you add the word “selfie” to anything, suddenly it’s evil.
But hey, we gotta hate something on Twitter right?
Verdict: Selfie sticks are awesome as cell phone antennas, hitting things, scaring other people and scratching your nose. They’re not so bad for taking photos of you and your friends. Not so awesome for combing your hair.
All photos and videos by: Roberto Baldwin unless otherwise noted.