Today, I want to talk about air sausage.
Earlier this week, our team was made aware that respected hot dog creator, Oscar Mayer, not only has a WienerFleet, but in order to celebrate summer’s start, is launching the Super Hotdogger, a JetPack-powered vehicle. It included “raw footage of Super Hotdogger flying over Southern California’s scenic water” — all in order to “get a better hot dog in every hand this summer.”
Seeing footage of this raw-dogging filled me with delight. That being said, I really love fast food. I’d even call it a passion.
What? You’re not as in love with the Super Hotdogger as I am? Here’s why your opinion is wrong.
Why I’m excited
Being a fervent lover of fast food has its drawbacks. The threat of diabetes, for one.
But there’s also judgment. Who would dare judge me, you may ask. PLENTY of people. Plenty of kale-munching, kombucha-swigging, acai-bathing people, who tuck under spinach blankets on their little tofu mattresses every night and dream about celery.
Ok, not that many people. But I’ve decided to get defensive over my love for fast food anyway.
Luckily, the tech industry is equally fascinated with fast food. Oscar Mayer’s latest addition to the WienerFleet is just the latest.
Pizza Hut, for example, has had a history of making delightful products. Last year, they made a winter jacket using the same magical delivery materials that keep their pies toasty. The “Pizza Parker” promises to keep the human body just as warm.
More recently, they announced they were bringing back their Pie Tops sneakers — kicks capable of ordering pizza at the push of a button. The Pie Tops II connect to your phone’s Pie Tops app via Bluetooth, and can also pause your TV when you need to run to the door for the delivery guy. Incredible.
Can you handle more? Earlier this year, KFC used drones to deliver boxes of chicken wings around India for two days. Dominos did the same with their pies. Pizza Touch created and distributed pizza vending machines around Florida. Taco Bell had a partnership with Lyft where riders were offered “Taco Mode” rides — you’ll make it to your final destination, with a stop at the drive-thru along the way. Coca-Cola Israel developed a selfie cam that attaches to their bottles.
I need to sit down. My head is spinning.
Together, tech and fast food are beautiful
Fast food and technology share a lot in common. They’re both addictive, unhealthy in big amounts, and both able to scratch your most immediate itches. They were both created to save us time and energy, so we can focus on other things. (By other things, I of course mean more fast food).
Now, I’m not blind. I know these are pr stunts — Oscar Mayer wants to put a wiener in every hand so they can take dollars out of every pocket. I know that if I only eat fast food delivered by jet pack or drone than I will end up like the floating fat people in WALL-E. Don’t tell anyone, but I even like kale. But if tech can get me my fast food even faster, and make me laugh along the way, then so be it.
So, what is my conclusion here? The key takeaway, the final sentence that makes this entire article’s purpose clear and its existence justified? I have no idea. Love doesn’t need a punch line.