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This article was published on March 19, 2018

Cryptocurrency News March 19 – it’s the freakin news

Cryptocurrency News March 19 – it’s the freakin news
Ed Zitron
Story by

Ed Zitron

Ed Zitron is the CEO of EZPR, a Media Relations company based in San Francisco, Boston and Portland. He's written a book called This Is How Ed Zitron is the CEO of EZPR, a Media Relations company based in San Francisco, Boston and Portland. He's written a book called This Is How You Pitch and was named one of Business Insider's Top 10 PR people in tech, as well as one of Adweek's 30 under 30.

Ey yo girl what that Litecoin do.

Bitcoin cash cab

I am a taxi driver in Dublin, Ireland. I always offer my customers their change in Bitcoin. from Bitcoin

So, wait, you offer them their change – let’s call it like one pound or fifty pence – in Bitcoin? Isn’t that below the amount of a minimum Bitcoin transfer? Do you make them wait until it arrives? Don’t you get situations where you have someone say “my change didn’t get to me yet”? This doesn’t seem like something that actually happened.

Airport shuttle Bitcoin

I run a airport shuttle bus in Australia and put a ‘Bitcoin accepted here’ sign in the bus. This is what most people think. from Bitcoin

These people believe they’re being shining educators in a world gone wrong, when in reality people are just going to the airport and want to get on a bus. They don’t want to talk Bitcoin! They certainly don’t want to spend 3 hours waiting to pay you! I’m gonna take all these vehicles and just claim the transactions are slow. The perfect crime.

You bet your sorry ass (I won’t bet my sorry ass)

God damnit

No more cryptocurrency ads on Twitter everyone, which I guess somehow affects the price of everything as now Ethereum is below $550, which is infuriating for me, personally, as I have Ethereum rigs. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters! Nothing! This weekend Bitcoin tested the waters around $7300, thinking about dipping even harder then taking a bounce against Gordon’s Arsehole Index, before bouncing hard to a Dog Line of 42. Incredibly, Bitcoin Cash remains under $1000, despite it being according to someone who paid me to say it “the best currency, ever.” Why does Bitcoin Cash exist, exactly? I can’t really work it out. It’s pretty slow and I don’t even like its logo. This is how I define the value of currencies.

 Investment advice

The money you can afford to lose today, As time goes, becomes the money you need it desperately from Bitcoin

One of my favorite things to do is to look up Reddit investment advice over crypto. This one almost verges on being good advice – IE: that tomorrow’s normal may not be the same. But it’s always worded in this awkward English that makes it really funny for some reason.

Then they get mad at people like this:

hear me out. from Bitcoin

This is because this person doesn’t want to sit and watch someone in a monotone ramble about how you should invest in a currency that has absolutely no attachment to reality in how it grows. I’ve tried to watch these videos, and they suck. Sorry if you feel otherwise. I’m the person writing this not you! Get out of my apartment.

John McAfee Update: soldier boy