Crypto’s Bonnie and Clyde had their (alleged) crime spree abruptly curtailed on Tuesday.
Heather “Razzlekhan” Morgan and Ilya “Dutch” Lichtenstein were arrested for conspiring to launder Bitcoin that’s now worth $4.5b billion
While Bonnie and Clyde’s rise and fall played out in the press, their crypto counterparts chronicled their lives on social media.
This is the love story of Dutch and Razzlekhan, the (alleged) crime couple who stole our hearts.
Chapter 1: Love at first sight
The couple hasn’t revealed how they first met, but they clearly had lots in common. Both share similar interests — and an astonishing range of skills.
Razzlekhan is a self-styled economist, serial entrepreneur, Forbes writer, and SaaS investor. She also moonlights as “a surrealist artist, rapper, and fashion designer.”
Dutch, meanwhile, describes himself as a tech entrepreneur, explorer, and “occasional magician.”
He clearly cast a spell on Razzle, who revealed her own seduction techniques in the moving love song, Moon n Stars:
come here, let me grab ya
grab grab grab ya
grab grab grab grab
grab grab grabbing
The anthem is one of many smash hits by “The Infamous Crocodile of Wall Street.”
Chapter 2: Wining and Dining
In their early days of courtship, Razzle played hard to get.
@realrazzlekhan little #freestyle #rap #hook I just came up with. 🧞♀️🔥 should I make this a new song? 🤔 #bosslady #ceo #rapsongs #qveenherby ♬ original sound – Razzlekhan 🧞♀️
But she eventually succumbed to Dutch’s charms. They grew closer over a mutual love of pancakes.
@realrazzlekhan How do they make the #pancakes soooo fluffy?! 🤔🥞 #fluffypancakes #brunchtok #brooklyn #sundayinbrooklyn #popup ♬ original sound – Razzlekhan 🧞♀️
Chapter 3: Domestic bliss
Before long, the young lovers had moved in together. According to The New York Times, they rented a $1 million condo in a luxury Manhattan building.
The couple appeared to have the perfect relationship.
@realrazzlekhan Hot dog and a cat monkey #4thOfJuly #SUBstepchallenge #foryoupage ♬ 1,2,3,4 (One, Two, Three, Four) – Fun Elektro Mix – Funbeat
However, their life wasn’t always a bed of roses. Like every strong couple, they survived some relationship tests.
@realrazzlekhan Lil #freestylerap about tryin to find my dang #airpods — who else feel me?! 🧞♀️#notaperfectperson #freesstyle #missingstuff #struggleisreal ♬ original sound – Razzlekhan 🧞♀️
Chapter 4: Starting a family
The duo wasn’t alone for long. The lovebirds soon welcomed a new family member to their nest: a cat called Clarissa. Naturally, the Bengal has its own Instagram account.
The young family shared everything: their home, their hearts — and their cat food.
@realrazzlekhan My partner & cat share food (not how you expect)! 😳 #pettok #weirdcore #weirdtok #husbandandwife #catfoodie ♬ original sound – Razzlekhan 🧞♀️
Chapter 5: Going into business
The budding tycoons decided to mix business and pleasure. When Razzle became CEO of SalesFolk, Dutch joined the email marketing firm as an advisor.
On August 1, 2016, Razz thanked her partner for inspiring her to be a better entrepreneur. She also “joked” that she loved getting in trouble with him.
Posted the day before the hack lol pic.twitter.com/cmkCEmLYV6
— charlie 🏆 (@ground_chuck7) February 8, 2022
A day later, an enormous cache of Bitcoin was stolen from the Bitfinex crypto exchange.
Chapter 6: The proposal
Dutch soon popped the question — and Razzlekhan said yes!
The intricate proposal involved covering NYC with posters of Razz and splashing her face across a Times Square billboard.
Dutch called it “a weird, creative multi-channel marketing campaign” that “captured the essence of Razzlekhan: surreal, mysterious, creepy, and sexy.”
Chapter 7: The Wedding
The wedding plans were soon underway. Razzlekhan promised the “WEIRDE$T, FUNNEST & MOST CREATIVE NON-TRADITIONAL WEDDING EVER!”
It was all that — and more.
— Henry McCulloh (@HMcCulloh) February 9, 2022
Chapter 8: Giving back to the community
The newlyweds were keen to share their love — and wisdom — with the world. The tech entrepreneur was also a Forbes contributor.
In an article for Forbes, Razzlekhan gave tips on protecting a business from cybercriminals.
She also gave a talk, titled: “How to Social Engineer Your Way Into Anything.”
Dutch was also keen to contribute. In a Twitter post, he criticized an article for including “almost nothing about how to secure your keys [to access Bitcoin].”
Unfortunately, he seems to have had issues securing his own keys from federal officials.
Dutch allegedly kept his on a cloud storage account based in the US. A rookie error, some might say, but it’s hard to think straight when you’re head over heels.
And the freaking article didn’t tell him how to secure his keys pic.twitter.com/Yj0zGnAJlG
— Cryptotire_early (@Livingdadreamz) February 8, 2022
Epilogue: True love never dies
The (alleged) crime spree may have come to an end, but this love story will never die. At least, not until Dutch and Razzlekhan shut down their social media accounts.
Until that happens, there’s still hope that crypto love conquers all.