Confession: I’m a Papyrus fan (and now nobody will speak to me)

I’ve been hiding from the Papyrus haters for three days now.

The font was thrust back into the spotlight over the weekend. SNL made a skit about Papyrus and its overuse — particularly its use in the film “Avatar” — starring Ryan Gosling (because there’s a person who wouldn’t know anything about overexposure).

Ever since that night, I’ve had to keep myself hidden from the masses. The location shall remain nameless for my own protection, because I’m apparently the only person on the planet who likes Papyrus.

See, I’m far away so you can’t hit me like I know you want to right now. Honestly, it’s only the restrictions of this platform and the advice of my colleagues keeping me from writing this entire article in Papyrus just to mess with its legion of haters.

Not even the creator of Papyrus, who sold the font for $750 after creating it when he was 23, is on my side. After the SNL skit aired, he gave an interview where he caved and said, “It’s way overused.”

I come by my fondness honestly. My late mother was a fan, and she’d occasionally print things for me using the font. One year she put it on our paper fridge calendar. I found it something soothing in its tall, thin lines and sweeping curves. It’s like looking at Greek amphoras. I can’t honestly believe that many people don’t like looking at ancient pottery.

So that’s why I like Papyrus — and why I’m laying low until the smoke clears. I just hope it happens soon: it’s dark and cold down here.