The heart of tech is coming to the heart of the Mediterranean. Join TNW in València this March 🇪🇸

This article was published on March 11, 2009

80 Top Tweets of February 2009

80 Top Tweets of February 2009
David Petherick
Story by

David Petherick

Scotsman David Petherick is a director & co-founder of several companies, and provides social media strategy & visibility services. Scotsman David Petherick is a director & co-founder of several companies, and provides social media strategy & visibility services. David became known as ‘The Digital Biographer’ after a 2007 BBC radio interview, speaks Russian, wears the Kilt, and is a co-author for the books 'Age of Conversation 2.0, & 3.0'.

No, this is not scientific – it’s just my opinion as a Next Web Editor. Following on from my popular Top Tweets of 2008 blog, and 50 Top Tweets of January 2009, these are the best Tweets from Twitter that I saw in February 2009 – and there are 80, as 50 just wasn’t sufficient room for them.

February was another month of growth in Twitter usage and mainstream reporting – Twitter hit the headlines again with yet another aircraft down – this time at Schiphol airport, near Amsterdam, and Stephen Fry got stuck in a lift and tweeted his way out. Here are the best Tweets that I found last month. Enjoy!

  1. ???s s? ????ssmartasshat I like my porn stars like I like my White House. No Bush.
  2. ???s s? ????ssmartasshat I like my White House like I like my lesbo porn. No Bush. No Dick.
  3. Nick Claytonnickclayton Turned on British telly. Apparently world is coming to an end. No. It’s snowing in London. Proof third runway needed to boost global warming

  4. Trelvixtrelvix Fair Trade Monday: You don’t offer your seat to the old woman on the train; I don’t tell you about the bird shit on your overcoat. Deal?
  5. hoosiergirlhoosiergirl When you fall ass over elbow on the ice at 28, what hurts most is your pride. When you fall at 38, what hurts most is your ass & your elbow.

  6. Andrew Burnettandrewburnett @realfreshtv A degree in social media?? Pffft. What next dissertations of 140 characters?
  7. Ralph BassfeldRalphBassfeld When you call in sick, don’t tweet that you’re eating in a restaurant and going for a walk. Person fired by @podpimp for this.
  8. homer p. dashingtonhomerdash I woke up and didn’t see my shadow, so I went back to sleep for 6 more hours. Pretty sure that’s doing it right.
  9. Rainy Daypracticalwitch Never look away from the water dispenser while refilling. Not even if the cute delivery guy walks in. Um, especially not just then.

    J. Adam MooreDieLaughing If I haven’t been reliving this day over and over, then how do I know that no one will find this obvious Groundhog Day film reference funny?

    SweetnoteSweetnote RT:@victorjkennedy A plate of expensive food is just a poo waiting to happen.

    Stephen Frystephenfry Ok. This is now mad. I am stuck in a lift on the 26th floor of Centre Point. Hell’s teeth. We could be here for hours. Arse, poo and widdle

    Steven Livingstoneweblivz if Strathclyde Police ever create an online Web 2.0 crime website should it be called ?

    Jason FinchdotSno@Scobleizer Serendipity: when the farm-hand is looking for a needle in a haystack but instead finds the farmer’s daughter :)

    S K Jainskashliwal “There is only one difference between DREAM & AIM. DREAM requires soundless sleep to see… Whereas Aim requires sleepless effort to acheive

    Craig McGillcraigmcgill RT pls: has no-one realised Latitude lets you set up list of people you don’t like, see location – and avoid them. Antisocial media is here!

    lordlikelylordlikely is awake after a night of drunken debauchery. Both my heads are throbbing.

    Lee Oddenleeodden Retweeting @unmarketing: Remember, The Five Steps of Twitter Success: Follow, Reply, Retweet, Share, Repeat

    David Lawdavelaw00 *shudder* thought I wouldn’t have to hear Blair making a speech again. Next to Obama, he’s cringe worthy

    Len KendallLenKendall Converstations, unlike banner ads, don’t get taken down on a certain date. (Take heed my media planner friends).

    Alison Gowalisongow Thanks for those mixed messages. I will attempt to read your mind and get back with an answer. I am also booked on a learn-by-osmosis course

    Peter Shankmanskydiver Dear person who just pushed past me to get on the plane: all parts of the plane land at the same time. Don’t make me kill you. Love, Peter

    Doug HazelmanVMDoug People are tweeting at “The World of Concrete Expo”, clearly things have gone too far:

    Simon Ellinascartoono RT @sharonhayes: tell me a good joke – please? I had to pay a fine on an overdue library book – about Speed Reading. Absolutely true!

    Steve Rubelsteverubel “7 Great Things You Can Do With Gmail Multiple Inboxes”

    Hugh MacLeodgapingvoid “Can’t art be a social object?” Oh, for fuck’s sake…

    Vitor Domingosvd “Bandwidth, the petrol of the new global economy”

    Mike Davisglobalcitizen The teller at the bank just used the word “necceseriously”. I’m going to write that down in the same list as “supposebly”.

    Mike Butchermikebutcher Really looking forward to watching “celebrities” reveal how dull they really are on Twitter. In Twitter Veritas!

    Steve Woodruffswoodruff Standard disclaimer: The views expressed in my tweets don’t necessarily reflect the views or opinions of anyone else, including me at times

    Hugh MacLeodgapingvoid Off to buy a new handgun… #screwyouwerefromtexas

    Simon Ellinascartoono When viewed from a train, other people’s lives seem so right and perfect.

    Emma & MarkUK_BusinessLabs Did you know that the left side of the brain controls speech? Well it would say that wouldn’t it?

    ? Mike Coultermikecoulter Off to see the EdTwestival human collateral damage at Edinburgh Coffee Morn in Centotre.

    twishestwishes [-O] I wish this damn car alarm would either stay on or STFU, but NOT BOTH IN 2MIN INTERVALS…..*sigh*…….

    Allister FrostAllisterF I do worry. This town doesn’t have enough bandwidth for the all of us.

    Julie GibbonsPeoplemapsJulie The thing I loved most about @EdTwestival: Connections + Connections = Social… Proper social networking – not biz #EdTwestival

    M. Lens-FitzGeraldDutchcowboy screw cancer, lets launch a startup

    ViruSoulViruSoul_ One Out of Four People in this Word is Mentally Unbalanced. Think of your 3 Closest Friends, if They Seems OK, Then UR the 1.

    BorisborisTwitter tagline: “It is with words as with sunbeams, the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn”

    Chris Broganchrisbrogan The good news is that I’m busy as hell. The bad news is, I’m still not saying no effectively and often enough. Deadlines missed everywhere.

    GilliganPierceGilliganPierce When Satan found me this job, he placed me in the office THISCLOSE to the loo everyone shits in. Also, pretty certain they all have diarrhea

    shel israelshelisrael I just prayed for the Lord to give me my Daily Bread. He told me to go down to La Boulangie & pay retail just like everyone else.

    Suzan GraySznq When you’re stealing someone else’s thunder realise 1.You’re an uninspired copycat & 2. It’ll piss them off. 3.Zeus as an enemy sucks.

    Justin Fosterbrandmilitia 2 years ago, to help become a better consultant, my cousin @tacanderson injected me with a street drug called “Twitter”.

    John TaylorJohn_Taylor What does it mean to come home to love, tenderness, compassion , understanding & great sex? – You’re in the wrong house! :-)

    Steve Allensteveswrong (opens reader) Well at least Google stop counting when there is over 1000 items to read. 1000+ looks better than 5 million unread (sinner)

    Brendan MacNeillbrendanmacneill If RBS lost £28Bn. who’s the lucky fellow that found it?

    Matt EdenfieldCatavarie The worst part about what I’m doing right now is that not only can I not talk about it, but I don’t even know what it is

    Sam Curriesjcurrie Right I have now officially turned into my mother “what the helll are they wearing???”

    Steven Livingstoneweblivz@ewanspence ha – i just re-used someone’s avatar to support the copyright protest – not sure where the hell i stand now!

    Debasis Pradhandebasispradhan Someone please tell those people who say “never in your wildest dreams” that they really underestimate the wildness of my dreams!

    Alan Firminafirmin @clarocada is an intelligent man,Digital biographer he must be a fan,4 you don’t become an author of note,Unless many insights u have wrote

    Jake Stridejake Just brought some pirate water. For £1.20 it better at least have essence of pirate.

    swardleyswardley @ewanspence: Summarise quantitative easing? How about “An economic laxative. Avoid use when you’re already in the toilet.”

    Jim Wolffjimwolffman Why Do Some Marketing Materials Use Capitals For Every Fucking Word? Do They Think We Are Stupid.

    Steve Reevesfrontofficebox Yesterday we had an article on breakfast TV about life coaches – for Cats. Meanwhile the world’s economy is in the crapper WTF

    Derrick Markotterlxcoza Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fullyrefreshed and on time – Viz

    John TaylorJohn_Taylor I’m not saying it’s cold this morning, but I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets! :-0

    Alison Gowalisongow Someone just used the phrase ‘product roadmap’ in cold blood. Good grief…

  10. Patrickpatrick “Schiphol airport is closed due to a problem with an inbound flight.” I’m in the plane an via Twitter I see there is a crash!
  11. Jason FinchdotSno Honest, interesting and informed report from traditional media on Twitter reporting of #Schiphol plane crash

    JD Lasicajdlasica@jeffjarvis You may want to bone up on some grand Shakespearean tragedies when discussing fate of newspapers .

    Jason Tryfonjasontryfon Amsterdam Plane Crash: Further Proof Twitter & Social Media Have Overtaken Traditional Media Sources:

    mariaschneidermariaschneider RT @rskloot WTF?! Amazon charging $ for each blog read on Kindle (incl my blog and many friends’). No $ to bloggers? Hello, copyright issue?

    Dave Winerdavewiner I thought at first I’d have to pay to read my own blog, but it’s even worse. They don’t *have* my blog on it. That is soooo damned rude.

    Geoff LivingstonGeoffLiving This post is 18 mos old on social media control. Still as prescient as the day I wrote it.

    Jonathan Fieldsjonathanfields “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” – Mark Twain

    BobAngellangellr What does a Drunken Sailor and the Government have in common? The sailor eventually runs out of $$$ and can’t print more!!!

    Jason CalacanisJasonCalacanis @gapingvoid glad to hear you’re off the sauce and cancer sticks… will bring cigars and scotch with me to SXSW! :-)

    Ewan McIntoshewanmcintosh Just seen naked woman jump into Water of Leith screaming at her/a guy before running after him in badly fastened trench coat.

    Robert ScobleScobleizer The public fight focuses on fact that Twitter has some deep problems that the rest of the world will hit soon (and is already hitting).

    Alison Gowalisongow There are 100+ phones in the newsroom yet the only one that rings is on the desk next to mine. I am Rosemary the sodding Telephone Operator

    Joe Slaughterjoeslaughter My 6 yo is worried about classmate-she is too perfect. Thinks she may be another lifeform in costume – Maybe stop the science fiction games.

    Aubrey SabalaAubs Thinking of swapping my Lenten sacrifice and instead giving up all the half-assed guys in my life. DEFINITELY a fair trade for caffeine.

    =Stewart Townsendstewarttownsend #fridaynews off to get some quality virgin train food, oh the excitement is so much, I may implode on myself

    Gary ArndtEverywhereTrip Oh man this is going to suck. I’m stuck in no bandwidth-ville and am going to have to do major surgery on my website

    Nova Spivacknovaspivack Twine will be available shortly. It is becoming sentient right now :)

    Kevin McIntoshKevin_McIntosh_ Has a bank ever bailed you out of a jam?

    Avi JosephAvinio RT @tojulius: hey event people, twitter is not gonna change your business, you need to change it first then twitter will help a lot

If you think you said something funnier last month, then follow @clarocada, or add the tag #ttom to your best tweets in March.

Art or Science?

You might want to check out the slightly more scientific approach of Favrd, which shows the ‘most favorited’ tweets (if you register with them as a one-off) and is also pretty hilarious. They do warn that

“If you see Twitter as a venue for public relations or marketing, or as an audience eager to hear news of a post on your ‘blog’, or a rich hot sticky vertical, or if you consider yourself a web strategist, or if you talk earnestly about social media, or if you can read Techcrunch or listen to the Gillmor gang with a straight face…”

it’s very unlikely the things you say on Twitter will show up there. So, ideal for Next Web Readers, I feel.