11 apps and services that don’t exist, but (sort of) should

Pep Rosenfeld is co-founder of comedy theater Boom Chicago and Boom Chicago Creative in Amsterdam. He loves both nerd chic and chic nerds, and can be seen hosting events where they meet — like #TNW2015.

There’s an app for nearly everything. But wouldn’t it be nice to have a few new apps that would combine the best elements of some of our favorites? Or extend the basic principles of popular apps to new markets?

Here are some ideas for any developers out there…

Twinder

A dating app for people who want to hook up, but want their dates to communicate in no more than 140 characters per exchange. Make it snappy, suitors!

Snap-Tinder

This dating app is for people who want to hook up and then have their dates disappear five seconds later.

Tindüber

An app that allows you to swipe left and right through profiles to find a driver whose unwanted sexual advances will be a bit less objectionable.

GoogleEats

A restaurant where Google serves you food for free, but waiters use complex algorithms to deliver ad content based on your conversational topics. WARNING: iOS users may be confused by the menus.

Candy SnapCrush

A handy app that lets you play the ever annoyingly addictive Candy Crush Saga, but only for five seconds at a time. Also works for Flappy Bird. TIP: install it on your wife’s phone.

AirBnTinder

Swipe left and right through profiles to find people who will have sex with you for a night, a week or even a whole month. It’s not prostitution, it’s the “sharing economy.”

Gewöhnlich

It’s just Über for the German market, but uses the German word for “ordinary” since many users in Deutchland feel having an app called “Über” on their phone is just one “alles” away from getting them in trouble.

Shitzam

Tuning in to a podcast, talk radio show or Fox news report and not quite sure who it is you’re listening to or how much they’re bullshitting? Hold up your phone, and Shitzam will identify the speaker and fact check the distorted information about economics, science or Barack Obama’s place of birth.

TIP: will come in handy during 2016 US presidential election.

ε-bay

This Greek auction site, “epsilon bay,” helps the Greek government sell off historical treasures to pay its debts.
FUN FACT: developers who tackle ε-bay qualify for a grant from Angela Merkel’s government.

GuiltFlix

This subscription service is much less expensive than Netflix or a monthly cable bill. While it doesn’t actually provide any content, it does relieve your guilt for illegally watching movies and TV on Showbox, Popcorn Time or good old fashioned bit torrenting.

NOTE: 40 percent of the proceeds support artists by helping actors pay for improv classes at UCB and writers get bootleg copies of Final Draft.

TinderYelp

A helpful site where Tinder profiles are reviewed by those that have met, chatted with and/or had sex with them. Does she not want to meet, but just to chat? Does he have two kids not mentioned in his profile? Is that pic of her doing charity work in Belize photoshopped? TinderYelp has the answer.

Did I miss any? Do any of these already exist and I just invented them again? Drats. Let me know in comments.

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