Apple gets High (Sierra), builds a vaporizer

Apple gets High (Sierra), builds a vaporizer

Apple Senior Vice President of Software Engineering Craig Federighi announced that macOS Sierra would be called “High Sierra” going forward, and immediately got ahead of the story.

He pointed out that it was a ‘fully baked’ name. Craig mentioned that it was smoking fast. The crowd giggled.

This was Apple’s World Wide Developer’s Conference and here’s Craig Federighi dropping pot jokes to introduce the newest ‘latest greatest tech thing ever’ on stage.

The smart money says he simply wanted to give the room an air of “okay, we’ve had our fun, now back to the interesting stuff”.

But that’s just what they want you to think

Studies showing that pot makes you paranoid notwithstanding, I submit that Apple isn’t trolling the creative product-namers of the world. Instead – it’s painfully obvious that California and Apple are in cahoots.

When Apple filed a patent earlier this year, it wasn’t for any of that fancy stuff they showed off on stage at WWDC2017. That patent, dear reader, was for a vaporizer.

I didn’t have to google it to figure out that a vaporizer is something that is only used by two types of people: those who use vaporizers for marijuana, and those who use them for other purposes. We’ll immediately dismiss the second group.

What we expect from Apple’s (entirely fictional) iOSVape

The world’s first iOSVape, I predict,  will be a “volcano” style machine that allows you to vape with the precision that only the world-class engineers at Apple can create. It gives you the full support of Apple Care, provided you read the entire terms of service agreement.

You can also ask it questions like “how do you convert dollars to grams?” The device automatically texts Turtle from Entourage when you run out.

The iOSVape, California Governor’s edition comes with a 24k gold finish and support for the all new Siri – who is now voiced by Seth Rogen and scripted by Kevin Smith.

What the fuck is Apple thinking?

Satire aside – When the head of Apple software engineering is making pot jokes to win over a crowd of app developers the world has become an insane, awesome, terrifying, beautiful place.

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