For the past several nights I’ve been quiet. I’ve practiced yoga, made vegetable soups and curled up on my sofa to watch TED Talks.
The truth is, I love being alone. My downtime is my time. I feel anxious when my calendar doesn’t leave time for pause and reflection. But some people don’t understand this. They don’t like to be alone and friends literally ask if they can come enjoy downtime with me– I say no or I don’t answer my phone.
I live in New York City, and I love going out to dinner, catching up with friends and dancing all night long too, but I need both kinds of nights to feel balanced. Apparently, there’s a word for this. I’m an “ambivert.” In her recent TED Talk titled “The Power of Introverts“, Susan Cain talks about attending summer camp as a little girl and being made to feel awkward because she wanted to read a book as opposed to “get rowdy” with the other campers.
Some of the greatest minds in human history like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks and Bill Gates have been classically introverted. Yet, our society seems to think there’s something wrong with that. We’re pushed to be extroverts from an early age and Cain, a self-described introvert sees this as a major societal problem. “We’re forcing students to do group assignments even in subjects like math and creative writing”, she says, “which you think would depend on solo flights of thought.” And it’s the same situation in our modern day, open office workplaces.
I believe that we are often our most creative, our most insightful and our most energized when we’re allowed to be alone with our thoughts. Self-reflection is an activity that everyone– extroverts and introverts alike– needs more of in this world. ”We could all stand to unplug and get in side our own heads a little more often,” says Cain.
For more, watch her incredibly inspiring TED Talk here:
Does she remind you of a calm version of Phoebe, anybody!?
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LikeAnyone who has had to do those company retreats knows that these things are designed by and designed for extroverts. Role-playing games, trust-playing games, group games, group dynamics, etc, all done by people who have no concept of what it is like being an introvert.
Extroverts really don't understand introverts. Introverts, however, understand quite well how extroverts think and work--it is a matter of our own survival...or at least our own well-being.
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LikeI really like how you nmi explained the difference between an introvert and an extrovert. I am Talent Finder Guide and I use Clifton's StrengthFinder Assessment as a tool - it determines your top five strengths (the things that come to you naturally). Operating you your strengths give you energy.
I've learnt a lot by using this tool and what they did was to divide our talents into four clusters - Influencing, Executing, Relational and Thinking.
Each cluster consists of different strengths related to it. So I've come to learn that some people need time away from people where others gain energy from people. I can go on and on and on. A lot can be said.
The article is good, however in the light of StrengthsFinder, not relevant to everyone. I do however agree that people should celebrate who they are instead of trying to be what they are not.
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LikeI'd just mention that it would be nice to discuss that there is a difference between introversion and shyness. The introvert/extrovert describes how a person gets energy. (Extroverts are energized by social interaction and where introverts are drained.) That does not mean that introverts are shy...although some may be. Introverts may be the opposite of shy, even though their actions are often misinterpreted as shyness or reserve or even stand-offish and rude because they know themselves well enough not to expend energy on frivolous social endeavors.
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LikeIntrospection is vital to the evolution of humanity. When you pause to take a look at yourself and your surroundings, not only does it instill in you a greater appreciation for life, but it allows you to break through the static just long enough to question the status quo. Whereas extroverts, who are constantly looking for the next mind-numbing distraction, typically get lost in the noise.
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LikeI've actually been struggling with this for the past few years. Forcing myself to become more extraverted when, naturally, I'm introverted. I'm at my best when I play myself and not when I try and be what other people would like to see. "you're too quiet" is something I hear a lot. But thats when I'm listening and ideas are brewing. Great article, thanks for shining some light on this.
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Likeintroverts dominate the economy though, even if not the social scene. I suppose once they get ahold of the social, they may feel comfortable to loosen their grip on the economic.
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LikeA simply brilliant piece. Yes, there's nothing wrong with introverts, but society does often tend to be biased towards extroverts. I think I'm possibly an ambivert too. :)
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LikeAlex TheBackpackr ambiverts unite!
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