Letterman’s Top 10 Signs You’ve Purchased A Bad iPhone

Here’s what David Letterman thinks are the Top 10 Signs You’ve Purchased A Bad iPhone (video below) in reverse countdown order:

1. Only accepts calls from Mel Gibson.
2. You check your email and it shocks your nuts.
3. There’s no lather when washing your cornea (oh, I’m sorry, that’s a sign you’ve purchased a bad eye foam.)
4. Looks, smells and tastes like a pop-tart.
5. Apple Store looks suspiciously like some dude’s trunk.
6. You keep getting anonomous texts reading: “iPhone kill you.”
7. Pre-loaded with naked photos of Steve Jobs.
8. Operates on 20 “D” batteries.
9. Automatically answers every call with a computerized “Yello!”
10. To make a call, you have to insert a quarter.