farmville logo1 300x114 FarmVille Is The Worst Game Of All Time   I Am Offended By Its PopularityFarmVille is an affront to my senses, and my dignity. The game is an utter wash, to put a dull point on it.

I decided to take it upon myself and try the game, so that everyone who is avoiding it like the plague can figure out if they are making the right move. You are. The game is garbage.

Now I have strong credentials in this field: as an ex-dedicated SimFarm and SimCity player, I know the genre. Hell, I have actually worked on a farm. I have done this in the real, so I know farming better than most. I do have something to stand on.

Farmville is built on the idea that if they make it sticky, people will never leave. It worked. You plant crops, but to harvest them later, you actually have to log in when they are ripe, and harvest them in that time frame, or they die. So, after you take the time to plant your whatever (eggplant, strawberries, etc), you have to watch your clock to know when to come back.

Most of my plants died. I planted them, got to work, glanced back, and had a patch of dead strawberries. You literally have to have nothing to do to enjoy this game. Do you even have a vague  hobby? If so are already way to busy to play this disastrous game.

But of course, for all the hassle, it’s easy, right? Half way. The gameplay is such boiled down simplistic blah that any child can play it. It shows that they made this game mass market. But to actually get anywhere requires some serious, serious time input.

FarmVille told me that since I had leveled up, I could get a chicken! I was excited. Well, no, but it sounds better to say so.

I headed to the market to buy a chicken coop, looked at the price tag and realized that I would have to play FarmVille for over a week to get enough “coins” to buy it. What?

So it’s a game that is titchy, and requires a lot of work? Just so that I can have a virtual chicken coop? Bite me, because I am not nibbling on that lure.

Of course, that is why FarmVille makes money. Don’t want to wait to get that tractor? A credit card is all you need. The game is designed to make you so frustrated with its bad design that you will fix it with your money. People do. Brilliant, if you are a bit of a tosser.

The game also ruins farming, by making it seem so routine. Anyone who has ever walked onto a farm will find this game so over-simplified that it is an exercise in “oh that is such bull, it never works like that.” All in all my two days in Farmville were a waste.I did so that you do not have to. You are welcome.

For sale, one crap FarmVille farm.