Buy these Mercedes headphones to show everyone how poor (and ugly) they are

There’s a simple problem with driving an expensive car: you’re not always in it.

Sometimes, there will be moments, awful, heart-wrenching moments where everyone in your vicinity won’t know that you own a vehicle that, objectively, makes you better than everyone else.

But, friend, dry your leaking eyes moistening face. Because Mercedes-Benz has teamed up with Master & Dynamic to make several pairs of headphones that will finally to let people around you know how idiotic and disgusting and destitute they are.

So, the two companies recently announced the launch of five different sets of headphones, as well as a wireless charging pad.

Several of these, we can ignore. I’m sure the MW75 Mercedes-AMG, MG20 Mercedes-AMG, MW08 Sport, and MC100 Charging Pad are all decent bits of hardware, but they’re hardly going to let the public know just how wealthy and important you are.

No, friends, our focus has to fall on the real gems of this story: over-ear MW65 Mercedes-Benz headphones and true wireless MW08 Mercedes-Benz earbuds.

Why? Well, if you have to ask that maybe you don’t deserve to walk around with a pair of cans emblazoned with a luxury car brand logo.

If I have one criticism of these products, it’s that the logo isn’t big enough.

Sure, people can see the Mercedes-Benz logo, but are they assaulted by it? Awed by it? Cowed by it? Do they pass you and quiver, certain in the knowledge that you are their superior?

Currently, if someone passes you on the street wearing the headphones in their current iteration, there’s little chance they’ll be flung to the tarmac by the sheer breathtaking scale of the branding.

And this is a travesty. I mean, what other point is there in spending over $500 on the over-ears and more than $300 on the true wireless earbuds if it isn’t to batter the public into submission?

Hopefully, this is a wake-up call to makers of hardware everywhere.

The point of any electrical item isn’t doing anything — it’s all about being. Everything we own should be a portable billboard, a placard covered in premium brands.

I mean, how else will people know how poor and ugly they are?