If you head down to the tech woods today, you’re in for a big surprise. Everyone’s packed their mankinis and is hitting the ramblas in Barcelona for Mobile World Congress, a sordid tech sex event featuring wildly copulating mobile handsets. Not us trusty readers of TNW, we’ve been poised at the cat flap of tech and hitting anything that comes through with a hairbrush for your bite size pleasure.

Chew on it:

  • A non-hallucinogenic tablet with x ray vision? Time to put on your patent pending rubber excitement pants. Yes, the iPad 3 will be unveiled on the 7th March
  • Father of the Universe and Simpsons regular was found frequenting niche swinging club in California.
  • Zefrank, remember him? He was like the first blogger or something, but now he’s a professional Kickstarter funnyman.
  • 12 is a number that can only be used to describe a collection of slumber rousing time devices.
  • He has nearly 1 million followers, but self-styled sleep deprived Vayniac, Gary Vaynerchuk issued an apology for the 999,995 he hasn’t interacted with lately.
  • The English language took another battering in the name of pinning stuff to nothing, with the launch of Manteresting, a pinboard for penises.
  • Nice guy investor Saul Klein made it clear he’s a gangster rap kind of a guy, word Saul, word.
  • Yahoo turned green, scuttled under a bridge and started demanding gold coins for crossing as it morphed into a patent troll and accused Facebook of stealing pretty much everything.
  • The denizens of the web congregated to decide upon an official Global Meeting Time.
  • Man sells wife and child to fund the BBC and make living in the UK vaguely tolerable.
  • The social network where people you’ve never heard of start following your concentric circles is sustaining our spherical attention for a mere 3.3 minutes.
  • News began to circulate that gruff hard man actor Clive Owen has nice smelling hands.

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