Being a Klout influencer is not always easy. From attending the Re:Mix gaming event in Chicago courtesy of Hyundai Veloster to making an appearance at Pure Nightclub, life goes by faster than you can say “Facebook redesign.”

Now that I’ve recently bribed a Syracuse University undergrad with school credit to rearrange my Google+ circles, I have more time to let you all know the fabulous experiences you’ve been missing out on in your non-influential existence. Joe Fernandez, the CEO of the social media scoring tool, told TNW that “influence is such a lightning rod and could mean anything.” To me influence means giveaways, invites, and samples that fall in line with my topics of interest.

According to Klout’s “Influencer Code of Ethics,” I am welcome to tell the world I love the product, I dislike the product, or say nothing at all. Well, I’ve never been the kind to keep my mouth shut. Check out some of the best perks I’ve indulged in recently. For influencers like me, every Tweet is a press release – so consider this my manifesto.

kloutinfluencer 520x356 Confessions of a Klout Influencer: From Warhol Inspired Bottles to Demand Media’s Next Tech Star

Moo Business Cards: Nothing says delusional self-promoter like making your own business cards. With Moo cards, it’s now easier than ever to spot every unemployed nightlife photographer and fashion blogger claiming to be Creative Directors of Me, Inc. The tiny mini-cards immediately give out an air of desperation but are the perfect size for those “professionals” you’d rather misplace in your Rolodex.

The Warhol Bottles: It’s so sad that Foursquare wasn’t around during the time of Studio 54. How else would you know if Grace Jones or Andy Warhol had checked in? Luckily, influencers can now swallow an entire bottle of Warhol. Beck recently invited me to an exclusive online auction of 100 rare bottles fashioned with labels featuring Andy Warhol’s self-portraits. Oh, Andy, and I thought I was self-involved!

Screen shot 2011 12 14 at 2.14.17 PM 520x242 Confessions of a Klout Influencer: From Warhol Inspired Bottles to Demand Media’s Next Tech Star

AXE Hair Glue: A little insider info not many people know: AXE Hair Glue is actually scented Elmer’s glue. Yes! Influencers can use it to style their hair into spike sharp weapons, Anime-style and put together a little Gingerbread house just in time for the holidays. Let me tell you, that 0.65 oz bottle I received went a long way and was very popular with Marines in Afghanistan.

BuzzFeed Access: One of my biggest pet peeves is people who share a viral video days after it’s been posted on the home page of BoingBoing. What’s next? Reverting back to e-mail chains? Sorry mom, but if you want influence you need to be first. Don’t get cyber bullied by sharing a video of David at the dentist when the kid is starting his first year at Michigan State. My secret sauce? I get first dibs on viral sensations with BuzzFeed.

Demand Media’s Next Tech Star: Remember when Julia Allison was on the cover of Wired? I don’t. Demand Media, the company that has cluttered the Internet with general interest, how-to, SEO-bait, was looking for the next big tech star… to write an article on How to Be a Big Tech Star. The winner presumably will get the $15 writing fee. Who says writers can’t make a living nowadays?

Want to live vicariously through Oscar’s influential-only experiences? Give him more Klout!